free entertainment

Five fingertips
putting pressure on
the perimeter 
of my face
telling me I’ve made
yet another mistake.
there's something about me
that people love to take.
i’ve been used and abused
tirelessly, laboriously 
without a single lunch break,
and yet i’ve never been “the one”
but I'm always someone's fun.
maybe i only dream of love
because it’s something I've never won.
pain is my friend
and hate has become my fuel.
i was always the villain and never the hero
but i keep forgetting the plot.
i keep improving my lines
then i agonize over why
nothing i say feels right,
nothing i do makes sense.
then I'm thrown the script
and i fall back to earth again.
it’s never a graceful trip.
i tend to just lay there,
face in the mud
and regret in my hair,
wishing i had fallen farther
and landed on concrete.
my heart failing
to process another defeat.
maybe it’ll break this time
and not metaphorically,
maybe i’ll get a new addiction
and start to work euphorically
at becoming a version of myself
i don’t want to be,
but maybe being numb
is exactly up my alley,
and maybe all this happens
because i didn’t have a daddy,
and maybe i'll never be loved
and i'll always be lost
because the love I've felt
is never worth the cost.
and it’s not just lovers
it's everyone i’ve ever known.
it’s the constant realization
that i can’t escape being alone
because I'm everyone's fun
but I'm no one's favorite.
just a painfully naive human
providing free entertainment.

free entertainment Stories by Noelle

You can find the written poem on my blog. — This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app — Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/storiesbynoelle/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/storiesbynoelle/support

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